My Blog Posts

SWMBO, TGChen and I are thinking of popping along to see Bill Bailey on Monday the 21st of March. If you’d like to join us drop me a line. If you pass our stringent vetting, and can actually make it to the centre of Sydney on the night, there may even be a ticket in your future. Successful applicants will have to part with forty six notes.

I’ve been meaning to write something witty and erudite all week, but frankly I’ve been flat out at work. So flat out, in fact, that I’ve bought a laptop home for the weekend and have been tippy-tapping away on the dining room table for most of this afternoon. This professional dedication didn’t remove or reduce any of my chores, naturally, so I did have to take JFGP out to the mall for a couple of hours this morning whilst his mum had a lie in. Because I concluded with a stroll round Woolies the fridge is full of exotic produce. And from this cornucopia I shall be serving up home made ham, pepperoni and mushroom pizza for tea. Yummy yummy (fruit salad …)

I see that the peace and liberty loving government in the UK is continuing on their merry way to remove what few civil liberties the populace has left. Not content with the joke that is ID cards, they now want to remove the right to trial by jury. Well, that’s not what they’re calling it, just merely trying to pass a law which allows the Home Secretary to detain people without trial, much like the nice Americans are doing in Cuba. It’s got to be a bad idea if both the pinko-commie Spy Blog and the not-quite-as-right-wing-as-Genghis-Khan Boris Johnson are both against it.

We have been assimilated. I’d been holding out hope, in vain I now realise, that we might be able to pass the Wiggles by. No such luck. We start each day now with stringent cries of “Wiggies!” from JFGP. It doesn’t matter that he can’t pronounce their name properly, it’s abundantly clear that he wants to watch one of the many DVDs we have magically acquired and that there is going to be trouble if he doesn’t get his way. Watching him watching the gurning loons is quite a disquieting experience. If I had to come up with an analogy I’d have to say that Yummy Yummy is like crack for the under twos.

“In fairness, he’s not the best of tossers”. Possibly the best line in any sports report or column this week. For those who don’t want to click and read it’s Matthew Hoggard talking about Michael Vaughan’s prowess with a coin. And if you don’t know who they are then you can stop reading this blog. You are a philistine.

Obviously, if one is trying to increase one’s social cachet one needs to host sophiscated dinner parties. And nothing says “classy” and “sophiscated” like having Syd Little or Stan Boardman join your guests at the dinner table. Very reasonable rates too. Do you think they travel?

It’s a bit late for me, but if anyone reading this is thinking of indulging in a little paternity in the near future (hint, hint) I’d recommend taking a look at this book. It’s called Fatherhood and is by a very funny chap called Marcus Berkmann. It may not improve your fathering skills but it will provide some amusement whilst you sit around waiting for the little blighter to pop out. If you are still undecided buy it for this quote alone;

As promised, more baby news more of the time here at What’s Doing. Last week we went for our twelve week check up. This involves blood tests, an ultrasound scan and an associated nuchal translucency test (try saying that when you’ve had a couple of glasses of Chambourcin). In summary, all is well, and Todd Too even managed a wave or two during the ultrasound scan. Bets are now being made about gender. I’m staying out of it but SWMBO is convinced that we’ve got another boy on the way. Ciaran’s helpful suggestion was to phone the local radio station Nova. Their sports reporter can allegedly tell a baby’s gender by asking it’s mother random and meaningless questions. My response to him included a couple of choice words. We may find out the answer at the eighteen week scan in (come on now …) five weeks but I probably won’t announce it here. That way people who wish to remain in the dark can do so.

It’s time I started to get a bit classier. Whilst it is hard to be more wonderful than I already am, I feel it’s my duty to raise the bar just a little bit higher. In the absence of talent or knowledge being that little bit classier will help on the road to fame and fortune, surely. To that end I’ve decided we need a family motto. Does anyone know the latin for “If in doubt, drink heavily”?

Happy happy, joy joy. The new Francis Dunnery album “The Gulley Flats Boys” is out. I’ve already ordered my copy and would like to make the bold prediction that it will make my top five (probably one) albums of the year. As I’ve said before the man is a genius. Go and take a listen. You will thank me.

JFGP got some building blocks from Christmas. I’ve been building towers for him to knock down ever since. The other day I made a nice looking cow shaped creature. It got knocked down too.

“let’s make a plea for greater intolerance (carefully directed) in the world.” A marvelous piece in the Gruaniad, arguing that belief in what Cartman would call “hippy crap” is just a step too far. Oh, and it’s very funny to boot. You can take astrology, reflexology, iridology, and all of the other crackpot ologies and shove them where the sun doesn’t shine. So there. [Courtesy of the ever smashing Ben Hammersley]

We got a new bookcase. JFGP decided that it would be much better used as a chair. For him. He still thinks so, whenever I try and put some books or CDs on the shelf they inevitably end up on the floor.

I’ve just uploaded more photos than you can shake a stick at to flickr. For themed views try; Christmas and Boxing Day. New Year.

… we did it again. I’m pleased to announce that another member will be added to team Todd this year. We’ve just been for our twelve week check up and mother and baby are doing fine. Todd Too is due towards the end of July. Unlike last time you can expect plenty of slightly irrelevant updates in these parts as the chances of SWMBO updating her blog are less than zero. On a side note, that will teach her to buy me some presents for my birthday in future.

Dante, in his Inferno mentioned that hell had nine levels. I think I’ve found the tenth though. It’s the car park at Waringah Mall between Christmas and New Year. I’ve had the misfortune to go there twice this week in peak shopping hours and each time there hasn’t been a parking space to be had. It’s not a great experience for driver or passengers, let me tell you. I worry for JFGP’s vocabulary.

Today I have mostly been doing chores whilst SWMBO catches up on her sleep. Why is it that every lawn cutting tool I kind find (both mowers and strimmers) in this country is petrol powered? All I need is a cheap electric flymo and my one and a half square metres of lawn could be cut in a jiffy. As it is I had to borrow Captain Schmooze’s strimmer and muck about with two stroke - well alright, he fuelled it but you know what I mean.

This one is strictly for the audiophiles out there. A bunch of crazy Russian geezers have been scanning and photographing cassette tapes and their cases. Possibly for posterity’s sake, I wouldn’t know though as my understanding of the cyrillic alphabet leaves a lot to be desired. This, folks, is what we call a labour of love. It certainly takes me back a couple of years or so. When I was but a callow youth and didn’t even possess a means of transcribing vinyl records onto cassette I had to resort to flattery to get portable versions of my long players.

Welcome to the inaugural Todd family Christmas photo. As you can see this year’s theme is comedy head gear. I will be firing up the digital camera over the festive season, so expect to see more badly posed pictures in the next couple of weeks. As a double bubble, if we haven’t sent you a Christmas card - or, more likely, it’s lost in the post - please accept our heartfelt good tidings this festive season. As a famous hippy once said;

Even scarier than a slideshow of JFGP photos, how about one of SWMBO? Or, you can simply subscribe to an Atom feed of my photos, and see them as they are added <a href=http://www.flickr.com/services/feeds/photos_public.gne?id=44124365628@N01&format=atom_03">here. You’ve got to love technology, it’s smashing.